Ten Things I Never Thought I’d Hear Myself Say Until I Had Children.


Children say the darndest things, but guess what?  So do parents.  I have on many occasions now caught myself saying things I would never have dreamed I would say.  What follows is a list of a few of my personal favorites.


  1.  Keep your magic wand out of the dog’s behind.  Cookie doesn’t appreciate it.
  2. Keep your fingers out of your sister’s nose.
  3. I can’t put Daddy in time out.  I’ve tried, and it doesn’t work.
  4. I didn’t know that baby poop could shoot out like easy cheese.
  5. If you feel like you are going to have an accident, at least try to make it to the tile so I don’t have to scrub it out of the carpet.


6.  That’s a litter box not a sandbox.

7.  We do not eat toilet paper.

8.  Don’t tell the neighbor that he is old.  He already knows.

9.  Quit squirming and let me have the booger.

and finally….


10.  Don’t drink the bath water.  You never know if someone peed in it.  (Words to live by my friends)

If you have your own Thing I never thought I’d hear myself say until I had children, then e-mail it to me at thewritedestination@gmail.com.  I like to know that I’m not alone.  If I get enough of them, I will post them in a future blog posting for everyone to see.

If you would like to see the complete list of 33 things, pick up a copy of my book Puppy Love: Life Lessons In Disobedience.  Happy Thanksgiving!